One of my deepest regrets during my 20 years in the Navy was spending entirely to much time on the ship and not participating in one of the many tours that were offered when we would hit a liberty port. When stationed on one of my four ships we went to Bali. I saw that a mountain bike trip was being offered and I’d heard that Bali was a beautiful place. So I signed up to take a bicycle tour.
Most of the tour was just riding mountain bikes all over the countryside seeing the sights. It was guided tour so we had to stay on a path, but the sites were so amazing!
Part of the tour to see a historical garden. A historical garden filled with monkeys.
When we walked in it was a wide open courtyard with a gate. One of the first things they told us was, “DON’T TOUCH the monkeys, they could get violent!!”
If one crawls, jumps, or climbs on you just gently move and it’ll get off of you.
So our tour starts and it was a self guided tour through these beautiful gardens.
A lot of monkeys. Small, large, skinny, big and everything else you can imagine.
We’re taking pictures of everything and we start to take pictures of the monkeys.
Within a few minutes into the trip we’re walking and sure enough a medium size monkey jumps on my shoulder from behind me. I never saw him coming.
This monkey had to be at least 25 pounds. Give or take. The size of it made me lean to one side until it got comfortable and sat on my shoulder.
My friends were amazed! They started taking pictures and I’m hamming it up since it chose me to climb on me. I’m doing everything in my power not to “upset” this monkey.
That happiness soon changed to agony when I felt something. I was puzzled at first because it wasn’t another monkey. It wasn’t getting upset over anything. So what was that feeling?
That feeling was something very, very warm running down my back. Well, running isn’t a great description. Let’s say gushing, yeah gushing would be perfect.
You guessed it, this massive animal was peeing down my back!!! So now I was moving rapidly from side to side trying to get this peeing animal off of me as quickly as possible and my friends are like, STOP doing that! STOP doing that, you don’t want to upset it!
By now I’m embarrassed and freaking out. Get this monkey off of me! My friends are now of no help because they’re laughing hysterically!
I finally get it off and I turn around and the back of my shirt is completely wet!
Do they help? NO, they are rolling from laughter!!
The monkey runs away and I had to get a new shirt.
So our tour is cut short and I go into town and purchase a new shirt from a vendor surprisingly close to the beautiful gardens.
I wonder how many sailors he’s sold new shirts to?